Disclaimer: I do not consider myself a religious person, (whatever that means to anybody-- I don’t really know what that even means to me!) However, I have a strong feeling that this might be the deepest I’ll have come yet in exploring my religious views. Please remain seated and keep all extremities within close proximity, because this is bound to be a bumpy ride…
So before I begin my stream of conscious/thought processing/blog session thing, let me give you the prelude to what initially sparked this seed of an idea, which will hopefully grow into something by the time I’m done here:
I was watching the show “House” the other day, and for those of you who don’t know of it, it’s a show based around this really cynical, sarcastic doctor, who just so happens to be brilliant on top of everything else. Anyhow, in this particular episode, there was a nun on her deathbed, and understandably her spirits were in shambles, and she claimed that God had left her. The doctor who happened to be with her at the time interjected with a quote from the bible, Peter 1:7:
“These trials only test your faith to see whether or not it is strong and pure. Your faith is being tested as fire tests gold and purifies it.”
He went on to say that God hadn’t in fact left her, that the only thing standing between her and her faith was fear. She had been given a choice: Faith or fear. That was her test.
Faith or fear.
Sadly, I don’t think I’ve ever really devoted that much time in really delving into either idea. Sure, maybe briefly I’ve contemplated faith, and I’ve surely felt and experienced fear. But what are they? And more importantly, how do they affect one another? I think that’s what sticks out to me the most, the relationship of the two, and how they affect us as humans… Or really, any living thing!
So what is faith really? I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about it, because I always associated it with some type of religion. I’ve never been to church a day in my life, or was brought up with any other kind of religious belief, so every time the word “faith” was brought up, it would just go over my head, or I’d chose to look the other way so to speak, just because it was never really relevant. But maybe faith doesn’t have to be looked at in the religious sense, or at least doesn’t have to be tied to any specific one. However, the idea of faith itself is at the heart of every religion.
Faith in God, faith in Jesus, faith in Buddha, faith in some higher power; people practice faith, and are constantly searching for faith. But how many people truly experience it? Or is it an experience to be had-- Do you experience faith? Have I? I suppose I’d have to pin point what I actually believe faith is before I can say whether or not I’d know if I’ve had any sort of experience with it before.
What do I believe faith is? I suppose that’s exactly what it is-- believing. But then, what is believing? When I think of the word “believe,” I think assuredness, knowing beyond a doubt, having confidence- but more than that even, beyond confidence. It’s an inner truth, that doesn’t need proof; it’s already proven, beyond reason, no questions asked. I think it’s almost impossible to nail down a concrete definition; it’s kind of abstract like love, or maybe even fear as well. But I’ll get to that later… However, I’ll finish this thought by trying my own definition: Faith, in my opinion, is experiencing an element of truth by feeling, not thought, beyond any reason or doubt.
So then the question, have I personally experienced faith? Have I ever been in a state of knowing, beyond reason or doubt, with all of my being? I don’t think I can think of any particular instance, where I’ve full out known, with all of my being-- actually embodied, I guess is a good way to put it, an element of truth. However, I feel experiencing that sort of state would be rare for anyone, and would be extremely intense and possibly life altering… A religious experience perhaps? Is that what religion is? I guess the world that comes to mind is “enlightenment.” Is this what all religions are aiming for, and practice for?
On a lesser extent, practicing faith I feel I can relate more with. I have experienced times where I’ve felt completely sure of something, and mostly without doubt or reason. Confidence is the term I think is commonly used to describe this. I have felt that before, and maybe a state beyond confidence. It’s hard to put into words, but it’s almost as if you don’t really need to think, or care about consequences because you have control, or you feel like you have control. And even if anything contradicts this perception, it doesn’t matter, because you’re so bought into your own personal truth that you have created for yourself.
Fear on the other hand, is also hard to define. I know you can experience it, because I have felt it before. Rock climbing for example, being 100 feet above ground, or paddling an intense rapid on a section of white water. All of these I’ve considered myself being in a state of fear. However I recognize it by physical signs: like my heart rate accelerating, or my palms getting sweaty. But what triggers that? What initiates those reactions? Doubt. The opposite of faith, really. The opposite of believing.
So what is doubt? I think questioning has a lot to do with it. Does doubt cause questioning or does questioning cause doubt? Not knowing causes both of these. So if I could define Fear, it would go something like, experiencing some kind of uncertainty, causing hesitation/indecisiveness. I think it’s much easier to fear than to have faith, personally, as there is a lot more unknown in the world than known, but that’s just me. I’m a questioner at heart…clearly, so does that make me more of a fearful person? Or is it just my perception that there is so much unknown as opposed to the perception of thinking that I believe I know all, the truth of existence-everything?
--And I keep bringing up “truth;” maybe that’s where this all ties into what we’ve been talking about in class. What is truth? Or is there such a thing? I really liked talking about frames the other day in class, and how truth is perceived differently with everybody. Everybody has their own frame, their own truth. And we talked about how everybody’s truth is different but can be subjective, where everything sort of fits together. However, I personally liked the idea of there being an “intrasubjective frame,” when dealing with multiple worldviews, or a culmination of different frames and truths. I took “multiple” as being different people’s views. But what happens if these intrasubjective frames can be applied within one person? What happens if we can tap into different truths in our minds, which in a way, is really just a different perception? After all, perceiving is truth justified, according to the correspondence theory of truth.
What if we can tap into different frames within ourselves, and really are experiencing many different truths every day? What if we thought of Faith as being one frame, and Fear as being another? Why is it so hard to tap into the Faith frame than it is the Fear one? Or is that just me? Maybe it’s easier for some to live within one frame over the other. Maybe that’s the game of life- a mind game. Choosing your frame. Picking your truth, of how you want to be, how you wish to perceive life.
Maybe it’s not so good to be in one frame more than the other, even being in Faith more than Fear. Maybe it’s not great to go through life blindly believing everything you see or hear, and should question more. And the same vise versa, maybe the questioners should believe a little more. Either way, I feel a balance is needed, and recognizing that there are two viewpoints, (and many more than that really,) is a great way to start playing with the idea.
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