But I don't want to float around singing all day!

I think I might be a selfish person. I concluded this lovely little fact a while ago, thinking about the same things (minus the brain transportation and steamroller flattening) we talked about in class. What happens when we die, and will we care when it happens?

Quite frankly I don't care what lies beyond death as long as there's something. Just another road, another door, another future. So why am I selfish? Because I want to keep myself. I don't want to be spread out and become one with the 'big conciousness' of the universe. I won't let them take away my name, and I guess that's why I hated the outcome from the Amber Spyglass so much. I don't want to be golden dust, which I thought was a pretty obvious metaphor for decomposition. I want to be me.

But you know what? I don't really like the opinion I've been taught either. I used to go to private school, this quaint little Catholic place that handed out detentions like candy. In 6th grade, we had a discussion about heaven and what our ideas about it were.

I really don't think my teachers liked me very much. During the discussion, I told the teacher I think heaven would get boring. My analogy was going to the beach. It's nice for a vacation, but after a week or so you're ready to go back home because too much of a good thing gets irritating. Teach's response was "well, I never get sick of the beach. I don't know about you." Thanks for answering my question.

I took a different route next time. I said, well, what if we just get reborn over and over? I think that'd be like heaven to me because it'd be like living forever. Teach recoiled and barked "That's reincarnation. You're not allowed to believe that." Ouch, yes master.

It's sorta funny that I thought heaven would get boring. I encountered a similar opinion later on, once I switched to public school. Mark Twain's Huck thought floating around singing all day sounded like a real bore. It cracked me up because, you know what, he's right! That'd be like hell, actually! Being proper all day, never getting dirty, keeping your elbows off the table... uggh!

Screw floating around being angelic for all eternity. I hope once I die I go on a crazy adventure. With a dragon. And a talking cat that can shoot laser beams. And all my dead friends. And my family. And all the people I should have met but never did.

F fate. Lets make up this story as we go because I'm immortal goddamnit and I'm not going down so easily.